Act of Domestic Violence and Abuse in Romance Books

June 13, 2022

My name is Emmanuelle Snow and I write small town, second chances, rock star romance books. As a mom of fours kids, including three daughters, I gave myself a mission to portray healthy relationships in my books, because it matters to me.

And I want my children to aim for a great partner in life, not one that will use them, make them feel like they are worthless, all in the name of love. Yes, romance book (in particular) heroes should be sane, and not violent men shaming their partners in the name of love.

For the last few years, domestic violence and sexual harassment have become topic of discussion all over the world. But in romance, manhandling women, bullying, and anti-hero (or gray characters as they are called) are still in high demand from readers. And some authors are happy to oblige.

But what makes violence okay in romance literature? 

Insulting women, throwing things at them, calling them name, with the rising popularity of BDSM erotic romance, now it seems like a lot of people just assume treating women like shit in any kind of romance books if fine. And I haven't seen a lot of readers objecting. Instead I read praise. In reviews, in authors' groups, on social media. The darkness the best. 

In my opinion, there are differences between a psychological thriller or romance, and wide-market romance where those kinds of actions are welcomed and accepted.

Those examples are reminding you of scenes you've read? They do to me. And every time, I stumbled on such violent and gratuitous acts, supposed to show the unconditional love between the two MC, shivers of disgust ran through me. 

I understand it's fiction. That none of it is real. But still, women (and men) have been fighting for decades to speak up against violence, and that's what we entertain ourselves with.

Steamy romance doesn't equal bullying.

Erotic or BSDM romance doesn't equal breaking someone's soul in the name of love.

Dating a bad boy isn't about getting disrespected.

And getting fuck** senseless doesn't mean getting beaten up and hurt.

If I wanna read about people abusing each other, I'll read a thriller, or a crime fiction.

Are we so insensitive to positive feeling that as a society we accept, and encourage, love violence? Is it what we wanna teach our children? That being treated badly is okay, as long as he loves you?

I'm sorry, but I agree to disagree. This entire trend of portraying doormat women with no spine, unable to express how they feel or what they want is, in my opinion, a step back as a society that had value the independence of women and that is fighting to give them a right to be equaled to men in every aspect of their lives, starting with respect. 

Sure, my characters are not perfect, they are flawed. And I write villain, people with no moral compass, our troubled, trying to get their ways with lies, manipulation, or violence, but in no way I'll make them the heroes of my books. 

Please, stop thinking alpha male characters have to be morally bad to be interesting. They can have different layers, deal with inner demons, but they don't have to be mean and disrespectful to be liked.

I love to say I'm writing readers' next book boyfriend. But I promise you, in my world, your next book boyfriend won't call you a sl** or humiliate you. 

If, just like me, you like your book heroes alpha, caring, and complexes, while being respectful, realistic, and hot, I'm not going anywhere. And I truly believe there are place for more well-written male characters that at the end of the day, don't get hard over a woman's tears or the satisfaction of hurting her thinking that's it should be called love.

A romance novel doesn't have to have a perfectly crafted happily ever after to be good, it just has to have characters with depth and an endgame at love.

Can we keep the violence for other genres and realize that by showing false representation of love through books or movie and TV series, we're just showing the next generation that love should hurt. And I'm not talking about a broken heart.

If you've read Last Hope, one of my Carter Hills Band Universe books, you know Devon is trying to escape an abusive relationship. In respect for women and everyone who has even been in an abusive relationship, I wanted her to escape her executioner, not excuse him for the simple fact that he loved her and it could explain his fit of rage. 

Just food for thought.

Have a wonderful day

Emmanuelle

Wanna know more or discover my Carter Hills Band series? Follow me on these platforms:

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Book tropes and themes I write about:

You'll like Emmanuelle Snow's books if you love emotional books, realistic characters and story lines, small town romance, second chances romance, vacation romance, rock stars romance, dramatic and emotional romance, stranger to lovers, celebrity, girl next door, neighbors to lovers, coming of age, new adult, mature young adult, brother's best friend, friends to lovers, military, contemporary romance, grumpy-sunshine, best friends, strong and independent women, sassy love stories, country music romance, country girl, Nashville, the Smoky Mountains, North Carolina.

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